A New Approach, And It Works! (Sort of)

After 11 days of strategic thought, I finally realized that there's only one way to reach the cold, metal heart of an email bot: a beautiful poem!

Excited at this new prospect, I hurried to email one to Facebook admin:

Sent: Sun 8/30/2009 7:38 PM
To: disabled@facebook.com; appeals@facebook.com
Subject: A Humble Poem From A Disabled Account

To Facebook admin:

I have been emailing you for the past week and a half concerning your unannounced disabling of the account registered to this address. In that time, I have received three identical, generalized form responses that provided no real information.

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the dry, generic responses are a result of a lack of variation and entertainment in my own messages.

Thus, I offer you this humble poem:


"Facebook admin, my heart pines for you,
Facebook admin, please say that it's true
That you'll strive to be fair, in all that you do
To return my account, for without it I am blue.
Show us all that you have more order than a zoo!
Oh Facebook admin, my account please renew."


Please respond, in verse if possible, explaining why my account was ninja banned along with 8 others (most of which have been restored already), and letting me know if there's any more information I can give you. 5 points if you write a sonnet.

As always, I maintain that I have done nothing to warrant this ban.

Thank you for the tenth time,
Jeffrey "Verse Master" G*****

I checked my inbox a little later, and VOILA! A new message!

From: appeals+n1jnq1a@facebook.com [mailto:appeals+n1jnq1a@facebook.com]
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 6:54 PM
Subject: Re: I Am Distressed At The Non-Response

Hi,

Fake accounts are a violation of our Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. Facebook requires users to provide their real first and last names. Impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited. Unfortunately, we will not be able to reactivate this account for any reason. This decision is final.

Thanks for your understanding,

Gianna

User Operations

Facebook

WHAT THE *FOGHORN*?